FACT- I HAVE BEEN STALKED FOR OVER 4 YEARS - I HAVE BEEN SHOWN THAT THESE EVENTS OF BEING ABUSED FALSELY ACCUSED , LIED TO AND LIED ABOUT AND DOING DEMONIC THINGS BEHIND MY BACK WERE ALL ASSOCIATED TO THE SAME GROUP OF PEOPLE , PEOPLE WHO WERE ALL INVOLVED WITH MY EX .
HE BECAME UPSET WHEN HE COULD NOT GET MY DEBIT CARD AS I WAS HEADING TO SURGERY THIS WAS THE FIRST THING THAT MADE THIS MAN THAT I HAD BEEN WITH FOR 20 YEARS TURN AGAINST ME AND TRY TO MAKE IT APPEAR AS IF I WAS A BAD PERSON , WHILE ALSO DOING THINGS THAT WOULD HARM ME AND MAKE ME LASH OUT IN PAIN . THIS MAN HAS CHEATED ON ME WHILE ALSO CLAIMING TO BE A MAN OF GOD . HE IN FACT HAD BEEN SNEAKING AROUND WITH A FEMALE ? WHO HE HAD MET WHILE DOING UBER-EATS AND HE HAD STARTED A SEXUAL AFFAIR TELLING HER THAT HE AND I WERE GETTING A DIVORCE BUT IN REALITY HE HAD NEVER DONE ANYTHING FOR ME WHEN IT COMES TO WHAT A MAN IS SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN HE REALLY IS IN A MARRIAGE - HE DID NOT PAY MY BILLS , I PAID MY OWN AND OFTEN HAD TO HELP HIM WITH HIS. HE DID NOT PROTECT ME , AND AS I HAVE BEEN EXPERIENCING LATELY WOULD JUST GAS-LIGHT ME ABOUT ME "NOT BEING IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO BE STALKED " HE WOULD ALSO TELL ME THAT "I WAS NOT BLACK ENOUGH" AS IF ME BEING MORE BLACK WOULD SOMEHOW IMPROVE HIS AFFECTION FOR ME . HE RARELY IF EVER EVEN SAID ANYTHING POSITIVE TOWARDS ME AND WOULD BUILD UP OTHER FEMALES IN FRONT OF ME AND WOULD THEN MAKE A DEROGATORY STATEMENT ABOUT MY LACK OF CONFIDENCE . HE HAS ALSO HAD ONE OF HIS SO CALLED ASSISTANTS TO COME AND HOVER OVER ME IN MY APARTMENT COMPLEX TO RECORD ME ILLEGALLY SO THAT THEY WOULD HAVE AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE SHOULD I EVER DECIDE TO TAKE ANY TYPE OF LEGAL ACTION FOR ALL OF THE MESS THAT HE HAS CONSTANTLY BROUGHT TO MY LIFE .
HE CONSTANTLY BERATED MY LOOKS MY ABILITIES AND MY SHYNESS AROUND OTHERS WHOM I DID NOT KNOW . HE WOULD COMPARE ME TO THE WOMEN WHO HE SAW ON T.V AS IF I CARED OR WANTED TO LOOK LIKE THEM . OFTEN MAKING COMMENTS ABOUT HOW I SHOULD DO THIS OR THAT TO LOOK MORE LIKE SOMEONE ELSE -
NOW MIND YOU , I HAD MET THIS MAN SHORTLY AFTER THE DEATH OF MY LATE HUSBAND WHO AS IT TURNS OUT HAD PLAYED BASKETBALL WITH MY NOW EX - MAN . I WASN'T LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND BECAUSE MY HUSBAND HAD PLACED A CLAUSE IN MY TRUST THAT SAID THAT I COULD NOT RE-MARRY FOR 10 YEARS (I THINK HE WAS FEELING THAT I WOULD ATTRACK ALOT OF GOLD-DIGGING TYPE OF MEN ? ) BUT THIS FACTOR ONLY SEEMED TO EXCITE MY NEW ROMANTIC PARTNER AS I REALIZE NOW THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY A PERFECT ESCAPE FOR HIM , AS I HAD MONEY A HOME , I WAS FUN TO BE WITH AND I COULDN'T GET MARRIED DUE TO THE CLAUSE , HOW MUCH BETTER COULD IT GET ? RIGHT ?
AS I REFLECT NOW HOWEVER I THINK THAT THIS IS WHERE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS MAN WAS PROBABLY NOT MEANT TO BE ANYTHING MORE THAN A ROMANCE AND A PARTNER TO GO PLACES AND TO SPEND TIME WITH - WELL AT LEAST THIS IS HOW WE SEEMED TO MAKE TO 20 YEARS LATER AND WE STILL HAD NOT MADE OUR love A REALITY AND THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO SPEAK ON .
WHEN A MAN THINKS THAT HE HAS A WOMAN SO HEAD-OVER-HEALS IN LOVE WITH HIM HE WILL START TO DEVALUE YOU - I CAN SPEAK ON THIS MATTER BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT I NOW REALIZE THAT I HAD BECOME FOR ALL OF THOSE YEARS -A WOMAN WHO EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T REALLY GETTING MY NEEDS MET OR BEING LOVED AND RESPECTED THE WAY IN WHICH I NOW KNOW THAT I DESERVE TO BE . I STILL SMILED DIDN'T ARGUE BACK , AND WOULD TRY AND SATISFY A MAN WHO SHOWED ME BY HIS WORDS ACTIONS AND LACK OF COMPASSION THAT "I WAS ALRIGHT FOR NOW " BECAUSE HE DIDN'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING ELSE GOING ON AND IT ALLOWED HIM TIME TO WORK ON HIS-SELF - NEVER THINKING THAT WHAT HE WAS REALLY DOING WAS LIVING A LIFE THAT WITH ME WHILE HE WAS PLANNING A BETTER LIFE WITH SOMEONE ELSE .
NOW THAT THE STING OF THIS REFLEXION HAS SOMEWHAT STOPPED PENETRATING MY HEART I FINALLY FEELS AS IF I AM ABLE TO LOOK AT MYSELF AND TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR SOME OF WHAT I HAVE EXPERIENCED , BEING FRESHLY WIDOWED DIDN'T HELP , IN HINDSIGHT I REALLY WAS NOT READY FOR ANYBODY TO JUST COME IN TO MY LIFE , MOVE IN AND BASICALLY BECOME MY HUSBAND .... BUT NOT HAVE TO TAKE ON ANY OF THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF ACTUALLY BEING MY A HUSBAND - BUT IN HIS DEFENSE HE WAS A GOOD HELPMATE WHEN IT CAME TO GETTING ME TO MY DR. APPOINTMENTS AS I WAS EXTREMELY ILL WHEN WE MET WAY BACK THEN AND I KNOW THAT AS HE WOULD OFTEN REMIND ME " SO YOU THINK THAT I WANTED TO END UP WITH A DISABLED WOMAN WITH 4 KIDS? "
WHILE ALSO REMINDING ME ABOUT ALL OF THE OTHER WOMEN WHO "HE COULD HAVE HAD "AND INSTEAD HE CHOSE ME " IT BEGAN TO TAKE A TOLL ON ME EVEN THOUGH AT THE TIME I JUST CHALKED IT UP TO JUST HIM BEING UPSET OVER WHATEVER IT WAS THAT ALWAYS HAD HIM READY TO LASH OUT IN HIS UNSATISFYING WAY .
I ALSO REALIZE THAT I HAD SOMEHOW LOST MY SELF WHILE TRYING TOO HARD TO HELP HIM FIND HIMSELF I HAD LOST ME .
SO NOW AS I AM ONCE AGAIN SINGLE AFTER FIRST LOSING MY ACTUAL HUSBAND THAT I WAS ACTUALLY MARRIED TO, NOT JUST WHEN IT COMES TO THE BENEFITS THAT COME WITH IT , BUT ALSO IN THE APPRECIATION AND CARING THAT IT COMES WITH BEING MARRIED AS WELL .
I FEEL AS IF I NEVER REALLY GOT TO BE "SINGLE' AND ALMOST FEEL AS IF I MIGHT JUST WANT TO TAKE MY TIME , GET OUT AND JUST ENJOY WHO I AM , WHILE LETTING OTHERS GET TO FEEL MY VIBE AND GET TO KNOW ME AS WELL .
AND I ALSO WANT TO KIND OF GIVE MYSELF A LITTLE PAT-ON THE -BACK FOR BEING RESILIENT ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT ALL OF THIS IN A POSITIVE WAY RATHER THAN IN AN ANGRY COLD RESENTFUL WAY THAT MANY EX 'S OFTEN DISPLAY THEMSELVES AS, AFTER BEING TIED TO A MAN WHO WOULD ACTUALLY THINK THAT HE COULD HAVE YOU COMPETE WITH A SIDE CHICK - FOR A ROLE THAT YOU HAD ALREADY HAD FOR FAR TOO LONG IN THE FIRST PLACE . AND TRUTH BE TOLD HE HAD BEEN JUST LOOKING FOR A WAY TO MAKE YOU FEEL LESS OF OR TO PUT IT IN YOUR FACE THAT HE HAD ACTUALLY ALREADY MOVED ON , ALL THAT HE WAN WAITING FOR WAS FOR YOU TO FIND OUT SO THAT THEY COULD START TO "BOTH' NOW LIVE OFF OF YOU AND YOUR SUCCESS WHICH HE HAD TRIED SO HARD TO MAKE YOU FEEL AS IF YOU'D NEVER BE .....
THIS IS MY PERSONAL WRITING - AND MY PERSONAL LIFE STORY - THERE IS ANOTHER FEMALE WHOM MY EX HAS BEEN ASSOCIATED WITH - I BELIEVE THAT THEY MAY HAVE MARRIED ? BUT DI NOT BE CONVIENCED THAT THEY ARE IN FACT ON THE UP AND UP BECAUSE THEY STILL USE ME TO FACILITATE THEIR LIFE AND OFTEN STEAL MY WORK OR MY WRITING AND PUT IT ON HER SITE WHILE ALSO BLOCKING MY ACCESS TO SEE AND REPORT IT - SO IF THERE IS ANYINE WHO SEE'S MY WORK OR MY PICTURES ETC ANYWHERE ELSE PLEASE REPORT IT TO LAW ENFORCEMENT FOR ME - I WOUD REALLY APPRECIATE IT - AS I AM JUST 1 PERSON TRYING TO FIGHT AGAINST WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE SIMPLY FOR BEING WAY TOO NICE TO THE WRONG PERSON PERHAPS OR FOR WALKING AWAY FROM A SITUATION THAT I REALLY SHOULD HAVE WALKED AWAY FROM 20 YEARS AGO .
BE BLESSED EVERYONE AND REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE, IF YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE NOT BEING SHOWN THE RESPECT THAT YOU KNOW THAT YOU DESERVE PLEASE WALK AWAY AND LOVE ON YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU CAN NEVER GET TIME BACK THAT YOU WASTED ON NOT LEAVING WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE . PEACE TO YOU ALL -
MONICA A - "STAY AT HOME MOM CHANGING LIVES ' ONE LIFE AT A TIME
